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This one’s for you Papa

..the leader of the band is tired and his eyes were getting old.

It was in December of 2014 when my father left us.  I went to Manila to take the second examination for the job I was applying for.  I was unaware that my father was sick.

My father was a very talkative man.  He was always the “bangka” in every conversation.  He was a joker – and he would always be the first person to laugh whenever he would deliver a joke.
I remember, during the last hours of his life, he looked for me.  He said, “Nandyan pa ba si Lodie?”  I answered , “Yes.”, in between my sobs.

He then said, “Kaya mo yan. Ako kasi di ko na kaya.”  He was referring to the exam that I was supposed to take later that day. Although my father was a very talkative man, he refused to talk to us or give us advice on serious matters. It was the first “advice” he gave me.

I kissed my papa goodbye when I left to take the examination.  Little did I know, he was the one leaving us for good.  After the exam,my sister called me and told me that Papa’s gone.

It hurts – a lot.  But there was nothing else we could do.  I just prayed that God would give me the job that I applied for.  I wanted it to be the last gift that I could give my father.  He had high hopes that I could make it and I never wanted to disappoint him.

And, God answered our prayers.  I got accepted in that company. But, it was only this March 2016 when I officially joined this company.

To Papa, I promise to do good in this company. I will always remember that God answered our prayers when He let me join this job.

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Posted by on April 15, 2016 in About life

 

A Struggling Mom

This morning challenged me to prove what’s more important, career or family?

I am a struggling mom. I’m a trying hard mom.

Yesterday, I had a heart to heart talk with my middle child.  I told her, how sorry I was for being an impatient mom. 

Earlier today, as I prepare to go to work, I heard my 2-year old daughter told ate Rena to get out of our room in a not so nice way.

I told her to say sorry.  But she said “no!”

I had to force her to say sorry but she said insisted she wouldn’t.  I am fighting against time because I had to go to work. I could have just left and forget everything that happened.

But, I thought, I was also fighting against PRIDE.  Pride that has already crept into my daughter’s heart at this early.

And, I knew I just couldn’t let this pass…even if it means being late for work. 

She was crying outloud and I was crying inside.

Eventually, she gave it.  It must been hard for her to say sorry because it took a while.  I still didn’t like the way she said her sorry but at least she did.  She is still a child anyway.

We went back to our room and I prayed for her.  I asked God to give me wisdomand patience to rear my children; so that I (we) could make them be what God wants them to be.

 
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Posted by on March 16, 2016 in About life

 

A Poem from my Daughter

I left for Cebu and was there for three days. Although, it is normal for my 6-year old daughter to write poems and even compose songs for me, I find this one very sweet. When I arrived last night, she immediately read to me this poem. She must have missed me a lot. 🙂

From your hair
To your eyes
To your heart
That’s true.
These are all the reasons
Why I love you Mom.

You’re beautiful.
Smart and special
..and you’re my Mom.

Such a sweet little darling. 🙂

 
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Posted by on September 2, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Alone

My daughter excitedly told me she will be joining a singing contest at school. It should be the first because for two consecutive years she had been joining a poem competition. I chose the piece right away and helped her learn the song. The elimination was scheduled three days after she told me about the contest.

Today is Friday. She went to school all prepared for the elimination. She was so excited and I was excited too when she left for school.

She went home and told me she did not perform. She said she was shy. I had to admit, I was disappointed, I told her, it would have been better if she were eliminated than her not performing at all. I hurt her too, I know…and I am sorry. I should have just supported her.

She was to perform there alone, no one to support her. Good thing I was able to record one of our practices. Here is the link.

It brought back memories from when I was still young. I remembered I did not grow up with my family. Yes, I was with my aunt and my sister, but technically we were left alone. I remembered when I joined a Pageant during my college years, I was first year college. I won 1st Runner Up, not bad at all. I accepted the award with my college friends; no family member at all. I remembered it was empty. Yes, I was happy but I have no one to share it with. I may not have won the title, and it was okay, but it could have been perfect if I my family were there.

I remembered the last question that was asked,  “If you were to die today, what would be your last wish?”

Back then, I was not sure of my salvation yet.  Back then, I was away from my family.  My answer:  “Since, I am about to die, my wish would be for myself.  I would wish that I could be saved and go to heaven. ”

Looking back, I would have had answered differently if I were already secured of my salvation then.  I would have had answered differently if only I had a family.

Everything is different now,  and as a mom, I would want to be there for Andy in every step of the way.

 

 
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Posted by on August 8, 2014 in About life

 

Closure

You were there.
I was there.
Time brought us together.
We had the chance to talk
That was all I was after.

Hands held tight
Hearts together again.
All the love, the pain poured in.
All the words I’ve been meaning to say
Finally, now I can utter.

Tears falling, so liberating.
At last, I had the chance to say it.
Been waiting for this.
This is closure.

….and, yet it happened in a dream.
So real…so surreal…

(In a dream..I was with Robin Padilla)

 
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Posted by on July 7, 2014 in About life

 

Just like the Old Times

I am a mom of three.  I understand that the way I was brought up by my mom is different from the way I brought up my children.

I remember, Moms used to boil water to prepare our formula milk,  they had to use cloth diaper with the big pins (or clips) and made sure to change it as often as possible to keep the babies dry.

The mothers of today are lucky.  We only need to buy distilled water to prepare the formula for our children,  (lucky are those moms who breastfeed their babies). We only need to buy disposable diapers and we don’t need to worry about washing the cloth diapers.

However, I am going back to the old school. I am using Cloth Diaper for my baby.  Well, it’s not 100% CD yet,because I still use disposable diapers, but eventually I am planning to exclusively use CD for my baby.

It’s not only economical but the fact that I can “help” save the environment by not adding in to the garbage that we throw, is a big thing. It’s stylish and will also keep your baby dry.

Here is Baby Avi and my nephew, Baby Simon swimming with their CD (without the inserts)

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Posted by on May 22, 2014 in About life

 

It’s Been Six Months

I posted an entry on the first day of November and it was about the pain of waiting.  In that post, I said that the next post would be about my new baby; but my last entry was about Typhoon Yolanda.  It was very alarming and I thought, it”s worth sharing.

Anyway, it has been six months since we had our new baby.  I remember, I was talking to my baby when she was still inside my tummy.  I beg for her not to come out on October 31, November 01, or November 02.  My daughter’s obedient even inside my tummy so she came out on November 03.

It was a Sunday.  I woke up at 6 in the morning and started my walking routine. While walking, I felt the pain in my abdomen.  I knew it was different. but I never wanted to assume.  My mother usually joins us to church, but that time she decided to go with my mother in law.

They left, but I never told them that I am already feeling something.  After an hour of walking, I went inside the house and go straight to the bathroom.  It was then that I saw the stain.  I immediately told my husband that “it might be the day”.  He asked me if we’re still going to church.  When I had Seandy and Andy, the pain started early in the morning too, but they both went out at night.  I thought, this will be just like the “old times”, so I told him we’re still going to church.

Around, 8:00 in the morning, I went back to the bathroom to pee and I already saw blood.  It was then, that we decided to go the hospital.

I was in the ER from 9:30 until 10:30.  The ER doctor check on me and said that I am 5cm but she couldn’t touch the head.  When my OB arrived, she also checked on me and said the same thing.  They had to do an “x-ray” to check what’s happening.  The X-ray showed that baby couldn’t move because her head’s bumping on my pelvic bone.  My OB said we need to wait.  If she wouldn’t move then, I’ll have CS.  Thank God she moved.

I was transferred to the delivery room at around 1pm and the baby got out at around 2:45 in the afternoon.

So finally, after the long and “exhausting” wait, we had our new baby.

This was Miesha Dominique aka “Baby Avi” when she was born.

 

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This is Miesha now at six months.

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Posted by on May 22, 2014 in About life